Why I Live In The Philippines

Because of the bad press this country is getting - when I travel people often ask me why I live in the Philippines . Well here it is……..It is the only place on earth where…… Every street has a basketball court. Even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed. Doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad. Students pay more money than they will earn afterwards. School is considered the second home and the mall considered the third. Call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses. Everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition.

Mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places. Everything can be forged. All kinds of animals are edible. Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas. Driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours. Flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets. Crossing the street involves running for your dear life. The personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied! Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet. People can pay to defy the law. Everything and everyone is spoofed. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger (peke)! The honking of car horns is a way of life. Being called a bum is never offensive. Floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.

Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive. Where wearing your national colors make you baduy. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw) Where insurance does not work. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty - clean water is for sale (35 pesos per gallon). Where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!) Where University of the Philippines where all the weird people go. Ateneo is where all the nerds go. La Salle is where all the Chinese go. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go, and University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich people go. Fast food is a diet meal. Traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.

Where being mugged is normal.. It happens to everyone. Rodents are normal house pets. The definition of traffic is the 'non-movement' of vehicles. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements, and the new fighter planes are displayed in museums. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment. People can get away with stealing trillions of pesos, but not a thousand. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual. (Grabe talaga 'to!) Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax) ---- than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted from their salaries….and where everyone wants to leave the country!

FILIPINO SIGNS OF WIT: The sign in a flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction; Anita Bakery, a 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day& Night; Barber shop called: Felix The Cut; a bakery named Bread Pitt; fast-food place selling 'maruya' (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey. Then, there are Christopher Plumbing; a boutique called The Way We Wear; a video rental shop called Leon King Video Rental; a restaurant in the Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken; a local burger restaurant called Mang Donald's; a doughnut shop called MacDonuts; a shop selling 'lumpia' (egg roll) in Makati called Wrap and Roll; and two butcher shops called Meating Place and Meatropolis.

Smart travelers can decipher what may look like baffling signs to unaccustomed foreigners by simply sounding out the 'Taglish' (the Philippine version of English words spelled and pronounced with a heavy Filipino such as, at a restaurant menu in Cebu'We hab sopdrink in can an in batol' [translation: We have soft drinks in can and in bottle].
Then, there is a sewing accessories shop called Bids And Pises [translation: Beads and Pieces --or-- Bits and Pieces].

There are also many signs with either badly chosen or misspelled words, but they are usually so entertaining that it would be a mistake to 'correct' them like…….
In a restaurant in Baguio City, the 'summer capital' of the Philippines : ' Wanted: Boy Waitress'; on a highway in Pampanga: 'We Make Modern Antique Furniture;' on the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan : 'We Shoot You While You Wait;' and on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila : ' Wanted: Waiter, Cashier, Washier.'

Some of the notices can even give a wrong impression, such as, a shoe store in Pangasinan which has a sign saying: 'We Sell Imported Robber Shoes' (these could be the 'sneakiest' sneakers); and a rental property sign in Jaro, reads: 'House For Rent, Fully Furnaced' (it must really be hot inside)! Occasionally, one could come across signs that are truly unique--if not altogether odd. City in southern Philippines , which said: 'Adults: 1 peso; Child: 50 centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation.'

European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing shops selling hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and PolandHopia, which are owned and operated by two local Chinese entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and Mr. Po respectively- -(believe it or not)! Some folks also 'creatively' redesign English to be more efficient 'The creative confusion between language and culture leads to more than just simple unintentional errors in syntax, but in the adoption of new words,' says reader Robert Goodfellow, who came across a sign …..House Fersallarend' (house for sale or rent). Why use five words when two will do?

According to Manila businessman, Tonyboy Ongsiako, there is so much wit in the Philippines because '. . . we are a country where a good sense of humor is needed to survive. We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and bad actors.

Now I ask you where else in the world would one want to live?